Oceans

You know those songs that you listen to and they kind of leave you on your knees in both humility and praise? Sometimes we just need to be shaken by God. To be reminded of our own futility and our breathless desire for him.
This morning I woke up and decided to listen to Hillsong’s new album Zion.  My friends Caleb and Rachel have been telling me to listen to it for ages, but I was stubborn and held out on buying it until last night. The night before, Marilee and I had this great chat about the different ways that God speaks to us and how they do not make our relationship with him any less powerful or real than the others. The way that I hear God’s voice is often through what I like to call “chance chances” (I got this term from the book of Ruth because when she happened across Boaz’ field the Hebrew for that moment translates to “her chance chanced” and I think that is quite beautiful) Moments that at the time seem to be mere coincidence, but in retrospect reveal God’s providence in our lives. So my chance chanced upon the song Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) and my heart could not have needed another song more. It is a song that describes beautifully this past year of my life. From falling on my face with my own pride and sin, to growing closer to God to doubting myself and my faith to realizing that if I know nothing else in this life I know that God is good and that is enough.
This song reminded me of where I was and where I am going and of one of my greatest prayers. It culminates in the repetition of a fervent prayer for aligning my heart to God’s and a promise to call upon Him and to trust him to keep me in his grace because in the end that is truly more than enough.

Above all else

Lately I have felt this strange disconnect to the world that I know. Things are not quite what they seem. My goals and ambitions seem altered and my thoughts are preoccupied with loftier things. I often find that after a time I feel this way in each place and it is generally the sign for a new adventure, but at present I feel God telling me to be still. To simply trust him, and so I wait because if I know one thing in this life it is that God is good.

Recently I watched a video that broke my heart. The degradation of truth and the lack of a desire for knowledge in my nation seems to have hit an all time high. I was astounded and immediately started to write about it, but the post remains unfinished. I cannot bring myself to fully express the truths I have learned.
The fact that it is difficult, however, gives me greater motivation to write. How strange the human mind is.

Tonight I watched God move in the life of a friend. He gave him the clarity to call us when he was in need that we might get him to the hospital and the help that the needed. While sitting in the waiting room at the hospital I had a humbling calm wash over me. There is so much in this life that I do not understand. So much that my prideful nature is inclined to judge and to become angry over, but that is never the answer. The things that I do not understand in others may not be for me to know. That is their story. The things that I do not understand in myself are the things that God is working out. The things that I do not understand about God and this world will be revealed to me when He sees fit.

Above all else I must cling to this one truth: God is good. He is sovereign, and he loves me and that is truly enough.

Your love is our song

Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity of recording a few songs with my church's praise team Ignite Next Generation (You can check out our tumblr page here!) It was a very exciting experience for me as I watched take after take in an attempt to find the perfect version of the songs. When people lacked confidence it showed in their voices. When we forgot about the words and focused only on just worshiping it became something wholly other. Something beautiful, and I found myself wondering if this was similar to what God does in our hearts? We get so focused on doing the right thing that we lose confidence in him, but he continues to allow us to try again in hopes of a better product. Tweaking the notes and encouraging us to just lose ourselves in him. The moment we do. The moment we forget about the things that make us nervous and just trust the words of the One who is guiding us we become something wholly other. Something beautiful.

After we had finished recording for the night Katie's daughter, Emmie, came in. I love that little girl. She is just a ball of energy! When she saw me she leapt (literally) into my arms and then flung herself backwards. Trusting me to catch her. Her mom asked her to show me a back flip and without hesitation she rolled off of my lap, onto the floor and started tumbling around the room. It was hilarious! I love watching children play. I especially love to see them with their parents because the amount of blind trust they place in them is inspiring. If we could only do that with our heavenly father who assures us that he loves us more (Matthew 7:7-11) We need only ask and genuinely trust him. Throughout the gospels Jesus comments on faith. It is by the faith of the Centurion that his son is healed (Matthew 8:5-13) It is by persistent faith of the Syrophoenician woman that her daughter is healed (Mark 7:24-30). Jesus is astounded by their childlike faith and as I watched Emmie continually leap into her father's arms, trusting him to catch her I said a prayer asking for the faith to do the same. To leap without fear and know that my Father will always be there to catch me.


"...and may the glory of Your name be the story of our hearts that the world will see the light of You coming out of us."

to see the lights

"Always remember you deserve someone who will take you to see the lights."

a friend of mine wrote this on a card to me.
She meant it as a reference to Tangled--her favorite movie--I took it as a heartfelt reminder from God to never settle.
If He was willing to lay His life down for me, then why would I settle for marrying anyone who does not strive to do the same for me?
My dreams are big.
My passions are many, but the only thing I truly require is time.
Someone who wants to be around me even if all we are doing is reading.
Someone who will take me on adventures with him to see the world.
Someone who appreciates the beauty of silence.

I've gotten glimpses and maybe marriage is not in the cards for me.
But if it is, I will settle for nothing less than the lights.

This I promise you, Father because you made me for more.

Even though they are hot air balloons this picture makes me think of Tangled :) I did not take this picture...if you did tell me so that I might give you credit?