Hello October, we meet again

I love October. The cool breezes. Pumpkin flavored everything. Scarves. Pies. 

It is tainted with a small sadness now because I know what is coming when the month ends. I know that if my heart was broken as September closed on Joel's anniversary it will crumble with Shea's, but I take comfort in knowing that God will wrap His arms around me in the same way that he did on Sunday, placing me in situations where I can remember and appreciate the beauty of the present rather than reminiscing on the heartaches of my past.

I miss silence. More and more often I find myself not really wanting to talk. I say things because I feel obligated. Not because I want to do so and I think that need is beginning to fade.

I miss the boys so much, but what I'm most ready for in their return is for them to stop invading my thoughts. Not because I love them any less, but because I do not want them to consume my thoughts, but I find that everything reminds me of them and so they are constantly on my mind.

Writing songs is difficult! I'm focusing on topics that interest me: Anchors, compasses, lighthouses. Locks, keys, bird cages...I do not want to write only on love because I've done that in the past. I want to write about life, God, and the mysterious beauty of it all. I just don't know where to begin.

I want to curl up on a patio and sip tea while I read a good book and feel the autumn air.