Tonight I am thankful for my family.
I am thankful that we are broken because it humbles me.
I am thankful that though I did not get the opportunity to fully know my grandmother that I can see the impact she has had on my life and that she is no longer suffering.
I am thankful for the joy I heard in my father's voice.
I am thankful for having a mother who makes me laugh (even though she is stubborn and likes to tell God no. Silly mother).
I am thankful that despite it all we love each other.
Tonight I am thankful for them..

I am also thankful for my friends who see when I am hurting even when I try to hide it.
I am thankful that God placed me here in these relationships to learn to love and grow as He loves
I am thankful for the moon and the stars.
I am thankful for the cold
I am thankful for warmth
I am thankful for my savior.

There is a part of me that is sad, and I know that this is fine. I will inevitably cry at some point this week and I await that moment with open arms, but there is an even greater part of me that is hopeful. That is happy. that is...excited. My world is changing. I am changing, and I love that I am changing into someone who is closer to God rather than someone who is traveling farther away.

Matthew challenged us to answer a few questions. The first one gave me pause. "Who am I?" I have no idea! I'm still figuring that out, but I wanted an answer and I was given one. 1 John 3:2 says, " Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared, but we know that when he appears we shall be like him because we shall see him as he is."

I do not know who I am apart from Jesus. I am striving to be like him, but I will not know him fully until I am in his presence. I genuinely cannot wait for that day to arrive, but in the meantime I will do all I can to grow closer to him to love as he loves, to see as he sees, and to grow as he moves me to grow.

So, yes, my heart is a bit sad, but the overwhelming amount of joy and hope within me makes that sadness a speck on the face of the sun.