Saturday Night: Filled with surprising praise and just surprises in general.

Even though I don't always have time to blog before bed, I write. So Here I am catching up on the past few days. One post at a time.

Tonight we watched a phenomenal sermon from John Piper encouraging us to not waste our lives. To live them wholly for Jesus. To count every thing else on this earth as loss, our families our friends, our jobs, our possessions, in comparison to Him. I loved the sermon and God certainly used it to influence a change in the way that I view things. Everything is a bit brighter when I view it in that way, however, the thing that stood out to me most was a bit off the path. Piper brings up a particular passage in Job about the death of Job's 10 children. Upon hearing the news, Job gets on his knees and worships the Lord!     

    Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”
(Job 1:20-21 ESV)

Now Job is mourning the loss of multiple things, but I think the particular thing that prompted this response was the loss of his children and his overwhelming love of God. When we lose someone close to us our immediate reaction is not worship, but tears. I remember clearly my reaction to Shea's death (to everyone's death, but hers is the most recent and so stands out in my mind.) I sat on my bed upon hearing the news. I paused Across the Universe. I looked at Brittain and said there is no way that this is true. I collected my thoughts. I blinked. I looked at Brittain again and I told her that I refused to believe it until I had more proof and I pressed play again. The movie went unnoticed. I thought back on every conversation searching for sign for what had happened. There had been sorrow yes, but never on this scale. Brittain tapped my shoulder and said, "It's showing up on Facebook, too." Before the words had left her mouth a lump rose in my throat and I sobbed. Both she and Josh wrapped their arms around me, but I pushed them off and grabbed my keys, heading for the door. They stopped me; offering to drive. I refused. I needed to do this myself. They made me put on my shoes and I sped to the one place I knew I would find my grieving friends. 

Flash forward to the present: When John Piper made this statement I could not have been happier to both be surrounded by friends and to have known those particular friends in my life. I have encountered a lot of death in the past 8 years. More than many of my friends have dealt with in a lifetime and not once did I count it as joy upon hearing the news. A year, a month, sometimes a week later I would praise God, but at that moment, never.

On the 30th of September I relived that intense pain of Joel's death. I had the opportunity to sing at church and I made that song my both mourning and praise to God. There were unanswered questions, undelved (is that a word?) into emotions and thoughts and an intense lack of understanding at why my heart felt glad all wrapped into one song. Particularly the lines:

Holy are you Father, a love like no other. So vast, like the universe, is your love. Is your love

Now I understand. God has been working on my heart and has been transforming my grief into. Yes, I will always be sad about the loss of my friends and loved ones, but I have an overwhelming joy that God gave them to me for however short of time. That he loves me enough that in my anger at their deaths he would hold me and lift me up. 

    fear not, for I am with you;
        be not dismayed, for I am your God;
    I will strengthen you, I will help you,
        I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
(Isaiah 41:10 ESV)

So even the verses I have been memorizing point to this particular transformation that I unknowingly have been going through!

I cannot help but to praise my Savior for all that he has given me, for all that he has taken away, and for this beautiful opportunity that I have to serve and praise him with every fiber of my being!

    Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory,
        for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!
(Psalm 115:1 ESV)

The surprise was that one of my closest friends here returned last night. I expected/needed Joanna's presence in my life, but adding his was the icing on an already delicious cake.