All is quiet on New Year's Day

I love new beginnings.

Perhaps it is my love for change that creates this feeling in me, but I always find myself excited when I stand on the precipice of a new day.

I know it is silly. To think that the start of a new month, week, or year could change the day before, but there seems to be something exciting about each new start.

When I look back at 2013 I have very few regrets. I could not say it was a happy year.

In fact, I find that there was an awful lot of bad surrounding me. When I look back at some of the biggest moments in my life they haven't exactly been pleasant, but I have learned a lot.

That friendship is always a two-way street. When it falls apart it is never just one person's fault, but it is also not always a bad thing. People drift. That is natural. We are always growing and changing into new people every day. As Alice said in her journey through Wonderland, "it's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then." Rather than focusing on the negatives we should realize the beauty of the time that we had with them and move on. It's alright.


That time is the most important gift we can give. Taking the time for coffee or to just to give a hug and listen to some one in need--no matter how tired or busy you might find yourself--is always worth it because it makes a difference.


Writing is important. For me at least. The more I write the more that I learn about myself.


Love is nothing to be afraid of. Far more frightening than not being honest about ones feelings is the unknowing and each missed opportunity. Love is worth the risk.


And I think the most important thing that I learned last year was that God was not something that could fit into the boxes my mind creates. He's big enough for my mistakes, and it is perfectly fine for me to interact with him the way that I do. To love his people the way that I do. I am different from the people around me and that is alright. I don't have to see things the way that everyone else does in order to make sense of the world or of God. I am different for a reason and I intend to act accordingly from now on.


Good thing I have a new year to start with, huh?


I also love looking back on the books that shaped me through the year.
So here is my top list for 2013.

Books

The Book Thief by Mark Zusak

This was the first book in a long time to leave me shaken at the finish. I sat in my office staring out of the window at the end of my lunch break as marines and sailors walked by and wondered how they could continue on with their lives when such a momentous occasion had occurred in my life. I do not think it changed my view on the world, but it certainly is one of the best feelings and so worthy of being on the list.

“A DEFINITION NOT FOUND
IN THE DICTIONARY
Not leaving: an act of trust and love,
often deciphered by children”

------
I'll Be Seeing You by Suzanne Hayes and Loretta Nyhan
The story of two strangers writing to each other for comfort while their husbands are off fighting in WWII. It shows the power of a well-written letter and the honest friendship that written words can create. I definitely found a renewed love for writing letters so if you want to be my pen pal let me know ;) 

“When you put your whole heart in something you risk just that. Your whole heart. It's a high roller's type of gamble. I can tell by your letters that you love with your whole heart.”
-----

Walking to Martha's Vineyard by Franz Wright
This beautiful collection of poetry gave me a strength that words can barely express. It was not so much the words that were written, but the words that were annotated by another that made me feel as though the chaos in my head could have made sense to another had I only the opportunity to meet her. I am thankful for the way that only poetry can touch a heart.

I was still standing
on a norther corner.


Moonlit winter clouds the color of the desperation of wolves.


Proof
of Your existence? There is nothing
but.
-----

Prototype by Jonathan Martin
A reminder that I am loved in my brokenness. This was the first book to inspire me to not only write poetry myself, but to turn my musings into a song. The most beautiful thing about God is that he knows the depth of all that is a mess within me, but that doesn't hinder his love in the least. If that is not beautiful I am not sure what is.

"Because we are formed in the image of God, we are born with the capacity to dream, to imagine, to play, to create."
-----

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas
I have always had a love for classic literature and at the time that I was reading this I was also making my way through Les Miserables (The only reason that book is not on the list is because I am not yet finished with it, but wow. Expect it on the 2014 list!) The juxtaposition of the two main characters--Jean Valjean (Les Mis) and Edmund Dantes (Monte Cristo) and their battles of faith fascinated me. I was riveted from beginning to end.

"...there is neither happiness nor unhappiness in this world; there is only the comparison of one state with another. Only a man who has felt ultimate despair is capable of feeling ultimate bliss...the sum of all human wisdom will be contained in these two words: Wait and hope.

-----

I hope your 2013 ended well and that your 2014 is even better!

Feel free to throw a few book recommendations my way and I leave you with a quote that is my motto for the year:

“

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something.

So that’s my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever."

-Neil Gaiman