Where my hope restarts...

Sometimes I miss it.

Grace.

I get blinded by the world, by my own pride and insecurities.

I wrap myself into a ball and attempt to retreat

But sometimes God says no.

He gently pulls me out of myself, brushes me off, and says, "Look closer."

And when I open my eyes he floods me with love.

He takes me out with a friend who reminds me that she is always there to pray for me.

That her love is a mirror of his own, not contigent upon my actions, but simply love.

He drops me into the arms of a group of friends, genuinely excited to share a meal with me.

Beautiful prayers, dances, conversations about his majesty and wonder in our lives.

He introduces a new friend who, through His love, instantly connects with me.

He shows me the intricate way he has weaved our lives together and I am reminded that the increase in faith I have been praying for he has already answered. He has shown me his love in ways greater than I could imagine, greater than I deserve, and I neglected to see it as enough.

What I saw was one prayer unanswered. 

What I felt was one pang of heart that distracted me so simply from the beauty before me.

But he gently whispered, "Be patient, my child. I love you."

And where I failed. Where I struggled, he made something beautiful.

And he re-opened my eyes to who I was. To how easy it is to slip back into myself.

The desire to please, seeking comfort outside of his arms, the inability to trust him.

He has given me a million second chances, but he also whispered, "Remember it is not you.It's me."

On my own I would crumble. I would give in to temptation. I would be an absolute mess, but he picks me up, he brushes me off and works in my heart. He surrounds me with people who love him.

He shows me the beauty of patience. He shows me the depth of love (especially when it is hard for me to believe).

He shows me that he is enough. All I need. All I will ever truly need. Forever.

Thank you, Father.

Fragments of brokenness salvaged by the art of grace. 

You craft life from our mistakes. 

Black skies of my regrets outshone by this kindness. 

New life dawns over my soul.

Oh, your cross it changes everything. 

There my world begins again with you. 

Oh your cross it's where my hope restarts.

 A second chance is heaven's heart.

Countless second chances we've been given at the cross!

Settle down, it'll all be clear...

Love is patient. Love is kind.

Words we have heard repeatedly for years, but what does it really mean? Last night at small group we sat and talked about just that, and in the end what we decided was that patience is important because it keeps us from being selfish and allows us to truly wait on the will of God. How can we truly know what it is that God desires of us execept we wait on him? A beautiful example of this is Jesus' delay in visiting Lazarus.

Lazarus, the one Jesus loved, was dying, but it was not in God's plan for Jesus to go directly to him. He was delayed for days. In the meantime Lazarus dies, and when Jesus arrives his heartbreaks. He weeps, but God is glorified. Though Jesus had to suffer very human heartache, and to endure the accusastions of those he loved, he waited on the Lord's bidding to arrive precisely when he needed so that God could best be glorified through his actions. (John 11: 1-44)
In James 5:7-11 we are told to be patient in our suffering. Given the example of a farmer tending his crops. It is not the farmer who causes the plants to grow. He must patiently wait on the fruits that God will produce. Isn't that beautiful? We wait patiently; tending to our hearts, filling them with God's word, surrounding them with fellow Christians--a broken world in need of love, longing to be touched by the One who created them, and God causes the fruits to grow. We need only be patient, as the Lord is patient with us.

I think in the busyness of life we often forget that we, too, are in need of patience, but God has done that for us already. "The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentence." 2 Peter 3:9. Though in this life we are apt to suffer, we should not confuse long suffering with eternal suffering. The pain and the trials we go through today, strengthen us for tomorrow. They add to our testimony. They glorify God, and if we view them from that perspective we find joy growing within us. Praise God!

I believe that I shall look on the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage-wait for the Lord!

-Psalm 27: 13-14

When it comes to kindness the definition is a bit murky. How do you put it into words?! (I feel the same of love. It is indescribable. To truly know love is to simply feel it. To be it. To let it wash over you and change every thing.) Luckily, God gave us some pretty incredible examples of kindness. From the story of Ruth and Boaz, a man who shows love to a stranger--blessing her and showing the beauty of God's providence. To the beautiful portrayal of selfless love and kindness that we see in the story of David and Mephibosheth where David reaches out to the only remaining member of Jonathan's family and adopts him into his own (like Christ did with us!)

Patience and kindness are not easy. They are transformations of heart that can only come from God, but that is my prayer for you and I. That God open our hearts to the world and that we truly portray the type of love and kindness he asks from us. The kind that he shows.

It is not easy to always believe in God's goodness. The world is bleak, but if we look beyond ourselves we cannot help, but to see that this world is indeed filled with beauty, with opportunities for us to be a smile, a hug, a laugh to those in need (and to be the recipents as well! Please, do not forget friends, that you are just as worthy of receiving love as you are of giving it!)

Join me in memorizing Psalm 27: 13-14? Let that be the cry of your heart? Let it truly sink in and by knowing that you will see the goodness of the Lord I know that we will also become that goodness to this broken world.

Wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage-wait for the Lord!

If I'm being honest

If I’m being honest I would say that it hurts

To watch the world go by and feel as though something is missing.
As though doors are constantly being closed and I'm left staring blankly outside
Shivering, blinking, lost
And if I’m being honest I would say that a part of me longs to know what it feels like to have someone look me in the eyes, call me beautiful and mean it.
To say that I am enough just as I am.
No games, no pretenses, no doubts.
To promise to stay and for once not run away
And when my heart is overwhelmed with that longing I hear a voice whisper into my soul

Who spoke the Earth and sky to form
Who sets the sun and calls the dawn

Who breathed me out of dust to life
With the will to trust or run and hide

He calls me loved and beautiful and reminds me that I need to only wait on Him.
To trust that He would not lead me into pain without purpose.
That to Him, my every centimeter is lovely and that He feels the longing of my soul to bring Him glory in all that I do, but He wants more. He wants me to trust him.
To truly trust Him and to believe that He alone is enough.

I will stay should the world by me fold
Lift up Your name as the darkness falls
I will wait and hold fast to Your word
Heart on Your heart and my eyes on You

And if I’m being honest I will say that it is not easy.
That there are days when I fail to trust. (Dear God, help my unbelief!)Days when I am confused by the world around me and the things that people say.
Days when I just want to curl up into a ball and disappear because I do not believe that I fit in this world,
(but then I am reminded, that He did not fit either. That it is okay to be on the outskirts.)
I am reminded that if no one ever calls me beloved that it is okay because He truly holds my heart, and He wants that to be enough.
And sometimes it is.
But if I'm being honest sometimes I need to be reminded that all that I desire He has already done.
Reaching into my brokenness…seeing my sin and shame
and still calling me beautiful
and meaning it.

Who loved me through my rebel way
Who loved me through my rebel way
Who chose to carry all my shame
Who breaths in me with endless life
The king of glory Jesus Christ

And sometimes that is enough. Sometimes that is all that I need.
But sometimes I need to be reminded…sometimes I need something more
If I’m being honest…

I will stay should the world by me fold
Lift up Your name as the darkness falls
I will wait and hold fast to Your word
Heart on Your heart and my eyes on You even when I fall…when I require more than I should ask I feel His presence calling me back to him. He brings me to my knees with His wonder and His grace and I truly want for that to be all I desire. Sometimes it is and that is beautiful. Sometimes it is not, but then I am reminded…that this is a part of love. It is not always perfect (when performed in human form) and it is not always strong, but it is ever present and ever trying to be greater..
And so I pray for that strength…

God of wonder and God of grace
Let my soul stand always to praise You
Fix my eyes on Your perfect way
And I'll never look back If I’m being honest I pray for it every day.

I will stay should the world by me fold
Lift up Your name as the darkness falls
I will wait and hold fast to Your word
Heart on Your heart and my eyes on You

(Stay and Wait-Hillsong United)




Love is...

 As I sat and prayed about what my small group should study I was reading Ephesians (seriously considering doing a study on the entire book as I recently acquired a commentary on it!) when this particular verse leapt out at me,

“so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and ground in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth and to know the love of Christ that surpasses all knowledge that you might be filled with the fullness of God.”

–Ephesians 3:17-19

Paul is praying here for the church at Ephesus, but did you notice what he said there? You being rooted and grounded in love. Well that sounds idyllic, but I do not think it is the actual case. I think we would like that, but I do not think we are quite there because we do not know what love truly is.

“Love is the cornerstone of all virtue and morality; forgiveness, it's capstone”(and Jesus being the embodiment of both)-Matt

Forgiveness is the thing that sets us apart. It is what reaches into our hearts, releasing fear and allowing love to truly grow. It is the pinacle of what we reach for when we are reaching for Christ, and we so often miss the mark...well, I so often miss it at least.

“As we live and grow in a world that tells us we’re never enough—that we have to prove our worth and demonstrate our value—our souls, which were designed to be filled with God, are filled with devils and dust. Increasingly, I’m coming to believe that fear is at the heart of all sin and disaffection. Fear that God will not be enough for us; fear that the identity we’ve been given is somehow incomplete. “

 –Jonathan Martin, Prototype

1 John 4:18 teaches that,  “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”  I’d prayed for months about clarity in these verses, for them to truly impact me and Christian showed me that the Greek word used for “cast out” here is the word ballio—where the word ballistics (The firing characteristics of a weapon so a very violent removal) comes from. The word for punishment here is only used 2 times in the entire bible. The other time is in Matthew 25:46 which is referring to hell. (“and these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.)

“But let that sink in for a moment: If God is love, and perfect love casts out fear, then fear is the opposite of everything that God is. If perfect love casts out fear, then perfect fear must also cast out love. To put it more starkly, fear casts out God in our lives.”-Martin, Prototype

This is a serious statement that is being made. We allow our fears, our doubts, our insecurities to hold us back from being perfect in God. One of the beautiful things is that God knew we would fail, but he also knew that the closer we were to Christ the more we would be like him. Proximity to the Son makes us shine all the brighter as he purifies our hearts. 1 John 3:2-3 says

“Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.”

 So we strive, daily, to set our fears aside and to align ourselves more and more closely with God, with love knowing that it will be a struggle, knowing that we will fail at times, but that we are not alone in this.

So that is the basis behind this study.

1.  To realize that we are in fact loved by a God who loves us for no reason other than that we exist (and that we were created by God simply to be loved and to glorify His name.) 
2. To learn what love truly means in the sight of God (through 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8)
3.  To learn how Jesus emulated love in his every action and how we should look to him as our example of how to love.

In learning to love, we are completely transformed. We begin to see the world in an entirely different light. We see that as we begin to fall in love with the world and those around us. Their inner light shines through and they become all the more beautiful to us in the process. As Martin so beautifuly describes in his blog post:

“Whenever we have an experience of authentic love, we are transfigured.  The object of our affection and delight is in no need of changing–beauty is not just in the eye of the beholder.  Objectively speaking, the beauty of God is already present in our beloved, whether we recognize it or not.  Rather, when we encounter beauty in another person, we are changed–we are transfigured.  Hence, the Kierkegaard quote I began with, “Love does not alter the beloved, it alters itself.”  They do not become beautiful because we recognize their beauty; rather their beauty makes us beautiful. “

And wouldn't it be beautiful to actually be transformed by Love? To allow God to work in our minds and in our hearts to see the world as He sees it? The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis is arguably one of my favorite books. In it the statement is made, “You cannot love another creature fully till you love God.” It also warns, “No natural feelings are high or low, holy or unholy, in themselves. They are all holy when God's hand is on the rein. They all go bad when they set up on their own and make themselves into false gods.” We can never view love as something separate from God. We must always see the two as the same because they are, and so love should be our focus, meaning God should be our focus, but that is my prayer for all of us.

I am Yours and that's enough

I have a question, and I doubt you have the answer. I know that I do not.

When did love stop being enough?

Was it at the beginning when Eve leaned forward and listened to the snake’s advice, plucking the forbidden fruit that would send us spiraling into a broken world ruled by selfish motives and desires? I’m not sure, but when I look around me my heart breaks. We think it is acceptable to qualify love with statements like,

“I love you, but…”,

“You’re beautiful, but…”,

“I trust you, but…”

And with that one small word “but” we demean the prior statement. It all becomes about conditions. We qualify people by our own legalistic standards rather than by who they actually are and so place all of humanity into a box making it so easy to leave love out.

Walk, talk, act, dress a certain way and you are fine, but deviate slightly from the acceptable norm and that pesky word jumps in.

BUT

“I love you, but I don’t think you should do this or that and so my love is contingent upon your actions.”

“You’re beautiful, but, I find this particular part of you shameful and so your beauty is truly dependent upon what you do with what I say.”

“I trust you, but I do not believe you will make the decisions I want you to make. My trust relies on your following my ways.”

No wonder unconditional love is so difficult for us to fathom. With such overwhelming subtext hidden behind a word we use so often, of course we believe it is our actions rather than our existence that call us loved.

And then Jesus comes into the picture. A man who saw the brokenness of the world and was not content to stay in Heaven and watch. Rather than causing us to feel shame at who and what we are He left glory and came to earth. He reached out and touched us in our brokenness, making us feel that we were truly loved. Not because of anything we had done (or neglected to do) but because we existed. He took out the qualifying words and said that he loved us. He truly loved us. Believe in that and everything else falls into place.

Love is enough.

Why can we not do the same?

Yes, there are things we need to stand against and stand up for and we should not shy away from that, but in the end we need to separate the people and love them. If we are the hands and feet of our beautiful savior then people should feel more alive in our presence, right? More loved. More accepted. Not ashamed, confused and leave more broken and lost than when they arrived, but loved. Truly and wholly and we need to firmly believe that everything else, the flaws, the scars, the things that make us want to cry out in anger are the things that Christ alone can fix.

What can we do? We cry out to him because we cannot begin to mend our own brokenness.

I cannot tell you when love stopped being enough, but I can say that the time came long ago for it to be all that we see. I fall victim to the norm every day, but it is the fervent prayer of my heart that God will seep out of every crack in my mangled heart, reaching into the brokenness and boldly calling His children loved…especially when I do not see. Especially when it is the most difficult thing in the world for me to do.

Trusting that love is truly enough.

That it has always been enough, and that it always will be.