"I found a place where the sheep count humans..."

"We speak our minds, but it never hurts feelings"

-Cloud Cult "After the Car Crash

I've been growing a lot lately. Actually I am a bit astounded by the person I've become versus the person that I was just a month or two ago. It's like a light switch went off in my head and I heard God say, "You do know that I made you to be you, right?" Everything changes when you meet someone who sees you and says that who you are is enough. I think I've lived much of my life thinking I needed to be "better" but never really being able to figure out what "better" meant and so falling short of the goal. I've always just gone back to being me. Never realizing that who i was, exactly as I was, was enough. In a way it makes me think of one of my favorite moments in the Old Testament. Now this may be a totally botched analysis for the story, but when Hagar runs away from Sarai (Genesis 16:1-14) and encounters God in the Wilderness she refers to him as the God of seeing and to me it always seemed like something changed in Hagar at that moment—more than just having new faith. She is an entirely new person. I imagine her as more confident in her return. Will things be different for her when she returns? Doubtful, but she goes forth anyway knowin that she can take whatever comes her way. That has always resonated with me...the idea of being truly seen. I did not know that this was what drew me so firmly to God until I saw it in another person's eyes. The beauty of it all was that where one saw and found lacking God saw and simply loved. So like he sent Hagar back into the fray with a promise to always be with her, he did the same to me. 

(Side note: when Hagar later begins to doubt Gods promises again (Genesis 21:15-20) I find that equally beautiful because I know I would do the same! She's human, but God is big enough to take care of her—doubting heart and all.)

The point of all of this was just to say in making changes and I think this blog will reflect that. I've always loved writing. It helps me to clear my mind and to process the things my heart hasn't fully understood. Even if no one ever reads my words it is the process if writing that I just truly enjoy so I promise to write more, and I will write about everything that I love. Books, music, movies...the intricacies of life and people that I do not understand. I just want to write.

I used to love the song this post was named after. I haven't heard it in ages, but there is a line in it that says, "We found the answers in the last place we were looking and in the end all we want is the beginning." Two cliches beautifully placed together in a way that strangely describes what I feel.

So stay tuned, if you like, to a new kind of blog from me.

Random insights, if you will.