In which I muse about writing, relationships, and the past

I want to be a better writer. This means I actually have to write.

I don't want to write a book or anything, I just want to be a better writer.

This means I'm committing to writing every single day. Preferably here, but if that is impossible I have a plethora of journals to write in.

My small group--well the female side at least--wrapped up a month long study we've been doing on sex, love, and dating. I've mentioned previously that I was not incredibly excited about the series, but I have to say I am thankful that we did it. It challenged me to think about myself, not as a dater, but as Christian and to re-evaluate the commitments that I have made to myself and to God. Particularly the ones that I have broken in the past. The final portion of this study focused on how we have to set aside our issues now--debt, troubled past, bad habits, etc--because they will only get worse in the future. We were particularly challenged to investigate any latent issues we might have with our parents. To say that I do not love my parents would be a grievous lie. My parents are not perfect, but I do not think I would trade them. As I have grown older I have seen the many ways that my parents have let me down in the past, but I have learned from these shortcomings and I know without a doubt that they were not from a lack of love. My family rarely ate together as I grew older. I think that this is important so I know that when I have a family of my own I will make this a priority. My family stopped praying together when I was very young, but I remember fondly the times when it would happen as a special treat. I loved listening to my father pray for us. I also remember that bedtime stories were my favorites! I would eagerly await my father or mother reading to me and as I grew older they let me read to them. This simple gesture most certainly strengthened not only my love for books, but my imagination as a whole. Both of these--praying and reading together--are habits I will carry out in my own family. I don't know that I have any "issues" with my parents that are hindering me as I grow. I see them as human. Such an unsettling moment in ones life--realizing that your parents aren't really heroes--but wholly necessary. The issues that I will need to address in my life during this year of "date-less-ness" are issues with my own self image and possibly with the men in my life as a whole. I know they play a part as none of them have ever been "reliable",  but allowing this to go on for 26 years is the fault of no one but myself...

And so begins a journey into self discovery.

A favorite past time!