shifting perspectives

Looking back on my life, I love to see how far God's moved me. A year ago, had you told me I'd see James Bond with two British officers I'd have been a tad giddy. I love the Brits. In my memory, they always treated me with so much respect. They made me feel important, special, wanted. For a girl who often felt quite the opposite, all things British were the appeal, but with every day God reminds me that I am wanted. By him. And if no one else ever does, that is fine. A year ago, I allowed my emotions to rule me. I would become overwhelmed by my sadness. Now I turn my sadness, my fears, my joys, my anxiety wholly over to my Savior. I still feel them. I still have moments where tears are my best response. Where I need to step away from a situation because I can feel anxiety boiling over, but I am more apt to go to God in prayer at those times and less likely to sob silently in my room or vent vehemently to a friend. I pray for wisdom, and at times I have it. I look beyond myself into the hearts of others and can find their side of an argument. I can share opposing views with Love. Oh, Love. It has infected and transformed the entire way that I view the world because God so graciously allowed me to see love as he wants me to live it. Described beautifully in 1 Corinthians 13 and inscribed on my heart, ready to seep in at the slightest crack!

Throughout my college years I believed in God. I loved him as I have since I was a child, but trust was difficult. Trust has always been difficult for me--I say always, but there is no way that is true. I am just unsure about when that changed. Something clicked in me and I realized that I could not live my life chasing after human approval. Human approval will always let me down. If I am so flawed, how could I not see that the world is the same? And yet there is someone greater. God can and should be trusted because he does not break his promises. He does not disappoint. He promised to never leave me nor forsake me and though I ran in the other direction, he held me close and never let me fall.

If that is not love I do not know what is.

So if satan wishes to infect my dreams with heaping disappointments, if he tries to break me in my sleep (or even whilst awake, but last night had such strangely vivid nightmares riddled with only disappointments that it was clearly his attack) let him try because I know he cannot win.

My perspective has changed. I am not so weak any longer, but only because I am growing stronger in Christ.

For that I am so thankful.