this one thing remains

In comparison to the day before, yesterday was pretty great. I barely slept the night before so it was a tough start (and I also think the realization of all that had transpired the night before finally hit me and I was a bit crushed, but God laid a lot of things on my heart and humbled me for all of my prideful thoughts making it a good start as well). I had a good email conversation with my best friend who always reminds me that even when I'm feeling incredibly insecure I am worth more than I realize. I love her. I genuinely could not ask for a better person to keep me grounded. I had a good chat with my roommate and my closest female friend here--that also involved a study on Matthew 6--both of which I think I needed. The greatest thing about my day was the peace God gave me as I read through both Jeremiah and Till We Have Faces. He reminded me of how quickly love can change into something deceptive and that only a single pursuit of Him can bring ultimate happiness. I also had a much needed phone date with a friend/mentor and while we were both barely able to stay awake towards the end we hit some very needed points. I have the moments in life where I would absolutely love to hit fast forward. I would have loved to close my eyes last night and awoken the following morning with a loving husband and living in a place that I can finally call home. That's not the case, however, and it should never be. Each one of these trials that I go through is a joy--though I often grit my teeth and attempt to say otherwise--as it brings me closer to the only reason I am here. I need to experience rejection so that when I am loved it is more beautiful. I need to experience loss so that I cherish every minute. I need to experience sadness so that my moments of joy are all the more important, but most importantly I need to experience all of this so that I know that my hope lies only in my savior. That only he can change hearts and that without him I am nothing. 

Without him I. Am. Nothing.

Father,

I want to thank you for everything. I want to thank you for this emptiness in my heart. I want to thank you for these opportunities that you have given me. I want to thank you for where I am right now. It was not where I wanted to be and I may never fully understand the depth of all of the reasons that you brought me here, but I do not need to understand. Father, in every sad moment, in every happy one I want to give you the praise. I want to follow you and give you glory even when it hurts...especially when it hurts because I know that the joy set out before me is greater than any pain I can experience here on earth so thank you Father. Thank you for everything and if it is not in our will I do not want it. Bring me close to you, Father. Help me to know your will. Give me the wisdom to make only the decisions that bring glory and honor to your name. Incline my heart to YOUR testimonies and not to selfish gain because I do long for your precepts. In your righteousness, give me life.