pride

"Where is your focus? Do you live for making yourself happy, or do you seek to make God happy? Even as you seek after God's heart, you may still struggle with pride because as a Christian, you are still being transformed. However, you can be certain that His way of living is richer, freer, and more abundant than your own." -The Jane Austen Devotional

I have struggled with pride my entire life. Pride in my intellect, in my friendships, and in my kindness to others even. Pride can seep into every situation, and I think that to some degree sadness can become a source of pride. In this moment, I am sad, and at the core it is because I think I keep losing the "best" opportunities for me. The best people, the best places, the best things...but I do not know what is best for me. God knows, and in my sadness it is as if he is telling me to just trust him. To trust that if I thought this particular thing was great imagine what greater thing he has in store for me. Doubts creep in. My insecurities. My worries. My fears. And there lies pride again. Father, you don't understand (how many times have I stupidly felt this way without saying it) that kitten was perfect for me. I'll never find another like it. Father you don't understand, he was exactly the friend I needed right now. I'll never find another like him here. Father, you DON'T understand, he was greater than any other guy I could have found. If he can't love me who can? And God smiles at me and seems to say, "Just you wait. This is not be the time for any of those things. Right now I want you to focus on me. Not a pet, not a friend, not a boy. I want you to focus all of your love and your strength and your time on me and I will lead you to true joy, but you have to lean fully on me. Be sad and I will strengthen you. Be alone and I will give you peace. Wait on my perfect timing and trust. Really trust that what I have in store for you is so much better than all that you have seen."
I trust you, Father. I trust you, but it will not be easy. I trust you, but I know I will fail. I trust you, and I know that you will keep picking me up with every stumble.

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." 

-Hebrews 10:23 ESV