uncertainty

My confidence is shaken.
I still cannot make sense of my prayers.
Why do I only feel peace in the one thing that I cannot have?
The one thing that evades me?
Each answer only brings more questions.
I do not doubt you, Father.
I do not doubt that your will is perfect, but I doubt myself.
I doubt what I am hearing. I doubt what others have heard because they cannot both be true.
Am I trying to bend your will to mine? Do I want this so badly that I have created an answer on my own?
Father, I do not know anymore.
I thought I heard you, Lord.
I thought I knew, but I was wrong.
My confidence is shaken, Lord, I need you.
I keep asking for clarity and You give it so well. Am I hearing you incorrectly.
Why do I now feel lost and uncertain?
Not in you, Lord, but in myself.
I feel so small.
At times I want to scream. I want to cry.
I want to lose myself in You, Father and not emerge until I am certain of Your will for me in this.
Reveal yourself to your servant that you may be glorified!