Little things keep reminding me that no matter how difficult things might seem he is there and will never leave me.
Gosh, I love those days.
This morning I received a text message from a guy that I sort of work with. He's a Marine and we have been trying to hang out for some time, but it has never actually happened. This time, however, he told me that I should come out to Fernandina and I had already planned to go that way. I thought to myself, "Gosh this is perfect! A distraction from my every day life is just what I need and it gives me an excuse to spend some quality time in a coffee shop." I told myself that I would meet up with him after praise band practice and went about getting dressed. I often listen to sermons in the morning and this particular morning I randomly chose to listen to Andy Stanley. What a blessing! I could not be more thankful for what God revealed to my heart in those 27 short minutes. In this sermon, Andy was talking about a verse in Nehemiah (6:1-3 actually) that had really impacted he and his wife and the way they lived their lives. Nehemiah is building the wall of Jerusalem and men are trying to stop him. They have plotted to kill him, and send a messenger to coax him off the wall. Nehemiah's response to them was simply, "I am doing a great work and I cannot come down..."
What a powerful sentiment. God has a plan for Nehemiah and though the temptation to take a break and stop for a moment is great, Nehemiah's eyes are set on God and so he sees the bigger picture. Stopping would only hinder the work that God is doing in him and that is not an option.
I was amazed as I listened to Andy tell the story. He called his congregation (and those of us listening in) to think about the great work that God is doing in our lives and the things that are hindering us. "There is something in particular that you are thinking of right now," Andy said. "And I want you to focus on how different your life would be a year from now if you fixed that issue."
God has been working heavily on me for the past year and of late things have gotten particularly difficult (side note: this excites me because I know that the changes to come will be amazing...still hurts though if I am honest with myself). It would be so easy for me to slip into my old ways. To desire to please man over God. To trust in my own plan for my life and to lean on my own understanding.
But I am doing a great work and I cannot come down.
So I declined the invitation to coffee. Thanked God for again revealing himself to me and went to praise band practice. Afterwards I was given the amazing opportunity to just share my heart with a girl in the band who I have always admired for her heart of worship, her faith in God, and her beautiful marriage. She lives out loud a life that I aspire to one day emulate because it is very clearly giving glory to God in all aspects. As we drove to Target for a shopping adventure I shared with her a few of my current fears and heartaches and she listened with love and helped to alleviate some of my anxiety (I thanked God for this). It was all around far better than I had hoped and as the day went on I was thankful for the peace that God continues to give to me--even though I do not remotely understand it.
Though I normally do not get to attend church on the first Saturday of the month because of M25--which is not something I regret at all. Tonight I managed to do both. God knew I needed it. At M25 I had the opportunity share my testimony about how wonderful it is to serve at one of the assisted living centers in town--man what an amazing feeling to talk about the good works that God is doing in one's life!--and during Ylios--our Saturday service--we had an incredible sermon about what it means to follow God with everything. All of your heart, soul, mind and strength as we are called to do (Mark 12:30) It reminded me that if I want to serve God with everything that I have to trust him. Even when it hurts. Even when I do not understand. He whispered to me that it was okay
I am doing a great work and I cannot come down.
Tonight, just before writing this post I had a moment of weakness. I heard something that genuinely sliced my heart open a little bit. I was confused. I was sad. I was hurt.
Father, why do you keep telling me to hold on to something that seems to be screaming that it does not want to hold on to me? I am confused, but I trust you
I wanted to cry, but I closed my eyes and remembered that I need to be still. that God is building my confidence. That he is teaching me to be patient and to trust His will for my life. That he has given me a peace for a reason--even if no one sees it that way. Even if the world thinks I am crazy. I am holding steadfast to what God is telling me despite the pain because I know that God is doing a great work in my life right now and I cannot come down from this wall until it is complete.
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