“Suspicion often creates what it suspects.”-C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters
I have found of late that one of the cleverest tricks of the devil is to subtly manipulate my thoughts and allow me to harp on things that are not necessarily real. Take a small inkling and blow it completely out of proportion. Destroying my already withering confidence and attempting to create an idol out of my misery. However, I am well armed with not only the word of Christ, but his hold on my heart. Slipping into despair would be so easy for me without God. My generally happy thoughts take rather sudden turns in the opposite direction, diving straight off of a cliff if not stopped in time. Luckily--though it is clearly more than luck--God is always there to stop me from falling. Lifting me up and reminding me that his word is truth and that nothing can take me from his arms. Not satan's clever schemes or my own childish meddling.
This tricky deceiver's most recent ploy was to play on my perception of love. Such a low blow. Making me question how my love shows in the life of others and in turn how their love shows in my own life. When you love someone do you not often set aside your personal reservations for their happiness? The answer is generally yes, and so when I see in my friendships the familiar signs of disinterest in the things that I am passionate about I begin to second guess the strength of those relationships--calling back on relationships of old where these same signs were seen and led to heartache. The friendships I have now, however, have a marked difference. They are based in Christ and while Christians are most certainly flawed, they have Jesus as their standard and so should be less apt to be so unloving as to treat me the way I have been abused in past friendships. I was blinded to the truth that while setting aside oneself for the happiness of another is a sign of love, honesty is another sign and arguably more important. Why should we have to pretend to enjoy something for the ones we love? Is it not enough to do the things we do not enjoy without lying about them as that makes it clear that the only reason we are doing said things is out of love? I'm not sure that I have the answer. Each person is different. I enjoy doing things--regardless of the middle portion--that makes my loved ones happy. Their joy makes the task enjoyable for me. The same cannot be said of other people with differing personalities.
This tricky deceiver's most recent ploy was to play on my perception of love. Such a low blow. Making me question how my love shows in the life of others and in turn how their love shows in my own life. When you love someone do you not often set aside your personal reservations for their happiness? The answer is generally yes, and so when I see in my friendships the familiar signs of disinterest in the things that I am passionate about I begin to second guess the strength of those relationships--calling back on relationships of old where these same signs were seen and led to heartache. The friendships I have now, however, have a marked difference. They are based in Christ and while Christians are most certainly flawed, they have Jesus as their standard and so should be less apt to be so unloving as to treat me the way I have been abused in past friendships. I was blinded to the truth that while setting aside oneself for the happiness of another is a sign of love, honesty is another sign and arguably more important. Why should we have to pretend to enjoy something for the ones we love? Is it not enough to do the things we do not enjoy without lying about them as that makes it clear that the only reason we are doing said things is out of love? I'm not sure that I have the answer. Each person is different. I enjoy doing things--regardless of the middle portion--that makes my loved ones happy. Their joy makes the task enjoyable for me. The same cannot be said of other people with differing personalities.
Nevertheless, this was one battle that satan did not win. God worked on my heart and allowed me to see the pride and error of my thoughts. Something he continually does and that will never cease to amaze me.
Thank you, Father.
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