scrambled prayers

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Please take away all desires that are not of you.

Mend my heart.

Remove my pride.

Take away my double-mindedness and allow me to follow you fully.

Please, Father, take away this emotional block within me.

I want to feel you. I want to know you. I want my focus to be wholly on you and not on this world because this world is filled with disappointments and rejection, but you are the amalgamation of all that is good. You are the reason I sing and I want to feel that through every fiber of my being.
 I want your light to be the only thing that emanates from my heart. I want your words to be the only that I mutter, but I am so blinded by pride, by selfishness, by the world.

Father, you've shown me how to love. The importance of setting oneself aside for the joy of others and I love it. I love the reception of your love reflected on the faces of those around me. I love the opportunity you gave me today to feel the love of a child. Brimming from every fiber of their being. They hold nothing back, Father and that is beautiful. I want to love like a child. I want to feel the love of a child to always remind me of that simple joy, but now is not my time.

I want to feel the love of another. To know that in this life there is one who finds joy in my joys as well. Who will read with me even if he does not like the books. Who will sing with me even if he does not know the words. Who will hold me when my prayers can only be expressed through tears. But now is not my time. Father, if it is not your will for me to have this life I dream of, please take these desires from me that I might fully focus on you and not on the love of this world.